My eldest son, Michael graduated with honors from Duke University in 2008, and played for the Duke Men’s Lacrosse Team for the 2005 through 2008 seasons, which was not without trials and tribulations.
In 2006, three of his teammates were indicted on rape charges, their season was abruptly cancelled, their coach was fired, they endured frequent death threats, and eliminating the men’s lacrosse program altogether was seriously contemplated. This travesty made national news and these fine young men were vilified in the media, as sordid details and disturbing events unfolded.
Notwithstanding, two latin aphorisms proved true in the end:
“Magna Est Veritas Et Praevalebit” (“The Truth is Mighty and Shall Prevail”)
“Succisa Virescit” (“What is Cut Down, Grows Back Stronger”)
There was not a stitch of truth to the concocted allegations, and for the most part justice was served in the unprecedented dismissal of all charges and unequivocal public exoneration of wrongdoing proclaimed by the state attorney general, Roy Cooper.
The above video is a long overdue celebration of remarkable achievement in the face of, and in the aftermath of overwhelming adversity, and recognizes Michael’s admirable quest for self-actualization, as well as his exemplification of key attributes in his quest. These include:
Acting with integrity
Engaging the support of others
Getting inspired
Living in the moment
Never giving up
Protecting your reputation
Staying focused
Team building and
Thinking big
The montage is set to the song “Neverending Story” by Erasure, whose lyrics are especially apropos, and reproduced below:
Turn around, look at what you see,
In her face, the mirror of your dreams
Make believe I’m everywhere, hidden in the lines
Written on the pages is the answer to a neverending story
Reach the stars, fly a fantasy
Dream a dream, and what you see will be
Lives that keep their secrets, will unfold behind the clouds
And there upon the rainbow is the answer to a neverending story. . . story
Show no fear, for she may fade away
In your hand, the birth of the new day
Lives that keep their secrets will unfold behind the clouds
And there upon the rainbow is the answer to a neverending story
Neverending story
Neverending story
Neverending story
Despite what could have been a debilitating setback, Michael’s experience at Duke was a never-ending story of success . . . and yes, I am very proud of him, and love him more than you could ever know.
This year, my son Ryan exemplified many of the conceptual attributes of self-actualization. As captain of the 2011 Maryland Men’s Lacrosse Team. he did so by:
Being the “emotional leader” and “heartbeat” of the team;
Engaging the support of his teammates, who “rallied around him”;
Getting inspired and becoming an infectious “catalyst” for his team;
Displaying integrity throughout;
Demonstrating a genuine love for his teammates;
Never giving up despite long odds as an “unseeded” team;
Staying focused in the face of devastating emotional pain;
Believing in yourself;
Living in the moment; and
Thinking big
A video montage of nationally broadcast interviews and select highlights summarizes this well.
Self-help guru Dale Carnegie believed there was a little recognized secret of success . . . in a word: Enthusiasm. He contended this powerful human feeling was the source of boundless energy that led to:
Setting and accomplishing goals;
Controlling worry and stress;
Better human relations;
Feeling more confident;
Developing leadership ability;
Becoming more results-oriented; and
Accomplishing more each day.
And an interesting dynamic to enthusiasm is its infectious nature and impact on others, and in turn you. In other words, enthusiasm among a group of people can feed on itself and continue to perpetuate to unbridled enthusiasm. When this happens though, be sure to keep your other emotions in check.
The below video illustrates how unbridled enthusiasm can sometimes get the best of you and cause unexpected results.
So many of us go through life carrying an ever-increasing load of emotional baggage, which weighs us down and holds us back from achieving what we are truly capable of. And I’m here to implore you to put down that “baggage” . . . or better yet, metaphorically take a trip to the “shore of your happiness” and throw that baggage as far into the sea as you can, and never look back.
And for God’s sake, don’t let everyday set-backs deter you, or otherwise divert your focus as your sojourn along your path toward self-actualization . . . for your happiness is too important (remember, it is your reason for being) — and this is the case not merely for you, but for your loved ones as well. This is because your happiness is naturally imparted on others you interact with, and tends to manifest in multiples with those you are closest with . . . which is a good thing, because happiness can be extremely contagious.
A recent case in point was observed in American Idol contestant Haley Reinhart, who was subjected to some unexpected harsh criticism from the Judges (particularly Jennifer Lopez and Randy Jackson) in the first of her two performances; however instead of folding, she maintained her focus and came out “like a lioness” in her follow-on effort, and gave the performance of the night, the season , , , and perhaps ever.
Such is the importance of believing in yourself (especially when others may not), while maintaining your focus and living in the moment with a sense of purpose in EVERYTHING that you do — for if you are able to do so, you’ll surprise even yourself at what you are able to accomplish.
In the above video, Haley empirically demonstrated how THE PAST DOES NOT EQUAL THE FUTURE.
. . . is a powerful concept attributed to Aristotle, and it applies to the 2011 Maryland Men’s Lacrosse Team. Read on, and you’ll see how.
Synergy Results From Teamwork
“The whole is greater than the sum of its parts” is often used in the definition for “synergy”, and represents a goal every competitive team coach strives to achieve, but often finds elusive in today’s day and age where individual achievement is increasingly celebrated in the media. And it often goes by another name . . . “teamwork”.
Moreover, synergy and teamwork are perhaps the most often used words in business lexicon because when meaningfully cultivated, the associated impact on business development and the organization itself is nothing short of remarkable to behold. Importantly, one needs teamwork to succeed in virtually every aspect of operating a business, and in the strategic area of mergers and acquisitions, synergy alone can determine success or failure.
In competitive sports, there is an important distinction — and that is teamwork is the “means” to success and the resultant synergy is the “ends” of realizing it. However, in reality, you really can’t separate these terms because they collectively represent the subject empowering concept that was first formulated in Athens, Greece over 23 centuries ago.
Consistency
Arguably every championship team in every team sport throughout history had to embrace and consistently assimilate this concept into their “modus operandi” in order to achieve the ultimate success — to be champions (or “the very best”) in their sport.
But the challenge lies not merely in cultivating legitimate unselfish teamwork, but to do so consistently throughout a season, and then fine-tune it during the final championship “push” at the end of the season.
Maryland Men’s Lacrosse
In my opinion, the 2011 Maryland Men’s Lacrosse Team represents the embodiment of this concept, which is frankly an astonishing achievement when considering they have a new head lacrosse coach this season — his name is John Tillman. What is so remarkable about Coach Tillman is that he promotes this concept, yet he manages to do so in a very subtle, but remarkably effective manner. Which is to say he does so by example, but you almost have to consciously look for it, because although the fellow is astute, perceptive and articulate, he is so self-effacing, it’s easy to miss . . . and therein lies your answer. What?
Here’s what I mean. Tillman is a master at deflecting accolades and giving credit to others, where credit is due. And the more he distributes credit to others, the more they want to deliver for him. And if he were alive today, Dale Carnegie would say Coach Tillman really knows how to give others a reputation to live up to . . . for by his doing so, they will naturally WANT to do so themselves . . . and end up doing things they never thought were possible. It’s beautiful to behold and frankly a brilliant way of manifesting self-actualization.
To Be Successful
It’s often been said about success that you can’t be truly successful at ANYTHING, unless OTHERS WANT you to be successful. And the way I see it, MANY others want Coach Tillman to be successful. This would include his predecessor, who is a phenomenal coach in his own right. Coach Tillman will constantly remind anyone willing to listen that former Maryland Head Lacrosse Coach Dave Cottle had assembled an unbelievably talented group of young men, who were already a cohesive group of players who cared for one another, when Tillman arrived.
And when baited by TV announcers to take the credit for some of their recent come-from-behind victories, he graciously corrected them, and then attributed such success to the character and leadership of the various players on his team, or point out ethereal intangibles that can really get the most out of his players — for instance, the spirit and presence of a player’s courageous mother who recently passed away after a valiant battle with pancreatic cancer.
In The End . . . It Comes Down To Teamwork
Although the push for the National NCAA Division I Championship still lies ahead, and will no doubt be taken one game at a time, it is noteworthy HOW the 2011 Maryland Men’s Lacrosse team recently won the Atlantic Coast Conference title — for in both the semi-final and championship games, they were losing badly to teams they had lost to earlier in the season. Yet they managed to pull out wins in the waning minutes of each game.
Most teams faced with similar circumstances would have panicked and folded — but not this group of impressive young men. They maintained their sense of purpose, quiet confidence and unwavering focus, and then just operated . . . as a TEAM.
This is powerful stuff.
Highlights of the 2011 ACC Championship Game (from the Maryland perspective) are presented in the two-minute video below, and note the two lacrosse players that the camera pans up to at the beginning are my twin sons: Kevin (who plays for Duke, who won the NCAA National Championship last year); and Ryan (who plays for Maryland, who would like to take “the crown” from them). [Note: You may need to click on the below video thumbnail two separate times in order to view it on YouTube.]
The below aphorisms underscore the importance of cultivating an unwavering desire to be all one can be (i.e., to self-actualize) and its correlation with success and happiness. For irrespective of the past, if you are clear about what you are doing in the present, and you are certain your efforts are developing your full potential, then your resultant resolve to self-actualize will overcome all obstacles and lead you to the lasting happiness you long for.
“Successful and unsuccessful people do not vary greatly in their abilities. They vary in their desires to reach their potential.”
The below sayings epitomize what self-actualization is all about — that is encouragement to discover and develop the inner genius and latent talents that reside in ALL of us.
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“ Words have the power to both destroy and heal.
When words are both true and kind, they can change our world. ”
— Buddha
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” When God looks at us he sees all the promise and talents he has given us.
If only we could see ourselves as He does! “
— Ken Rolheiser
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“ Treat people as if they were what they ought to be . . .
. . . and you help them to become what they are capable of being. ”
— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
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” Be aware of what others are doing, applaud their efforts, acknowledge their successes, and encourage them in their pursuits.
When we all help one another, everybody wins. “
— Jim Stovall
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” Always be generous with your encouraging words . . .
. . . you may find they will inspire others to be the best they can be. “
— Catherine Pulsifer
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” If everyone received the encouragement they need to grow, the genius in most everyone would blossom and the world would produce abundance beyond our wildest dreams. “
— Sidney Madwed
” I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm in others the greatest asset I possess. The way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement. ”
— Charles M. Schwab (no association with the investment firm)
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” Words of encouragement fan the spark of genius . . .
. . . into the flame of achievement. “
— Wilferd Arlan Peterson
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” If your actions inspire others . . .
. . . to dream more, learn more, do more and become more . . .
. . . you are a leader. “
— John Quincy Adams
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” Give the others a fine reputation to live up to . . .
. . . and then watch them fulfill it. “
— Dale Carnegie
The music video below reflects Olympic self-actualization at its best and it is set to the score of Whitney Houston’s One Moment in Time. You can be sure EVERY one of these champions received regular doses of encouragement to ultimately reach the pinnacle of their respective sports. If you’re like most, you will be emotionally moved and your spirits will be raised . . . so please enjoy.
Darwinism is often proven in a conflict with an adversary of substantially greater size and resources, for such an uneven playing field eventually wears down the weaker/smaller party. However, if you find yourself in a situation with such a decided disadvantage, all is NOT lost, as long as you have Truth on your side — hence the Latin aphorism: Magna Est Veritas Et Praevalebit (“Truth is Mighty and Will Prevail”).
But the Truth is not enough, you must carefully plan your actions to ensure the Truth is embraced by the right people, so employ unconventional means whenever possible. You will thus likely end up achieving things you never thought were possible, as illustrated in the video below.
When things are not going your way, you may hear a faint knock on the door. But your attention is diverted by a loved one saying: “Don’t worry — things will turn around”. You again hear an almost undetectable knock, but another loved one will put their arms around you and say: “Don’t let this setback get you down — I believe in you, and no matter what, we’ll get through this . . . TOGETHER.”
While such timely moral support can be a godsend, and enough to lift your spirits to forge ahead, there may be times when the outlook appears so bleak, you don’t believe a word you’re hearing. You have a desultory little voice in the back of your mind that’s getting louder and louder, telling you: “Who are you kidding? It’s hopeless — so for Gods sake just give up.” At that point . . . and there is no mistaking it . . . that knocking at the door is getting noticeably louder.
Now compound the steep uphill climb you’re facing with not merely a lack of moral support, but “the little voice” is actually an inculcated chorus of your loved ones, who are not in any way trying to lift your spirits — in fact, it appears they are actually trying to tear you down. You’re confounded by this enigma — for you can vividly recall how you had always been there for them in the past, and how appreciative they were. “I couldn’t have made it through this without you” keeps playing through your mind.
So now you’re REALLY alone, and the pain you associate with the challenge you now face ALONE is borderline overwhelming. That knocking on the door is a deeply resonating pounding that’s reverberating in your chest. Someone wants in — and they want in NOW! And you KNOW who it is — because he has visited before. And although you’ve made it clear he’s not welcomed, he keeps coming back. It’s your old friend “Discouragement”, and it’s always been a one-sided friendship you’ve wanted to end.
DO NOT LET HIM — he WILL go away — but sometimes it may take longer for him to “take a hint” or otherwise “get it”. Because once you let him in . . . he may never leave, and screw up so many things in your “house”, it could very well end up in flames. Stay focused on the matter at hand and forgive your loved ones . . . for love is unconditional.
The setting for the video below is a Special Teams (punts, kickoffs, field goals etc.) meeting of the New York Jets during their 2010 Summer Training camp before final cuts. The short anecdotal speech is from the HBO Series “Hard Knocks”, and is reminder about the dangers of discouragement. It is given by Mike Westhoff, the New York Jets’ Special Teams coach to those players who may or may not make the team.
What is the Meaning & Purpose of Life? 